ROOMATE RELATIONSHIPS

Roommates are an important part of the residence hall experience. Most roommate relationships evolve successfully over time, especially when roommates demonstrate mutual respect and maturity in working out differences and communicate directly and honestly. While it’s normal to have some anxiety about living together in new circumstances, it’s important to keep in mind that roommate relationships can be very rewarding and are a great opportunity for learning about oneself and others.

The staff in Residential Life helps every set of roommates and suitemates with the required completion of a written roommate agreement.  All roommates have rights and all roommates are responsible for respecting each other’s rights. In the event of a vacancy in a room, a new roommate may be assigned at any time. All residents in that room are responsible for maintaining that vacancy so that it is available to an incoming roommate at any time. All residents are also responsible for accepting and welcoming newly assigned roommates appropriately.

The Roommate Agreement Process
Residential Life Staff will work with each set of roommates to develop a roommate agreement, a set of written guidelines about how that room will function.  Development of an effective agreement requires honest sharing of feelings and preferences, careful listening, and willingness to compromise on the part of all roommates.  Roommate agreement content varies, depending on the hall to which one is assigned. Despite some variation, however, all roommate agreements should address at least the following elements:

• Hours for sleep, study, and socializing in the room
• Standards of cleanliness and neatness
• Division of space
• Decoration of the room
• Division of responsibility for chores (trash, dishes, etc.)
• Etiquette regarding visitors
• Etiquette regarding telephone use and messages
• Use of others’ property (clothes, food, supplies, etc.)
• Use of alcohol (if applicable)
• Expectations for addressing concerns, conflicts, or failure to abide by the agreement
  

Each set of roommates is required to complete an agreement at the start of the year with the assistance and participation of the community advisor (CA). A new agreement may be re-negotiated at any time for any reason, and one must be completed (from scratch) each time a new roommate is assigned to the room. Failure to participate in the roommate agreement process in a timely manner may result in referral to the judicial process, but does not necessarily constitute a reason to require a move.

Roommate Bill of Rights and Responsibilities

• The right to read, study, and sleep free from undue disturbance by roommates and guests, and the responsibility to afford the same courtesy to one’s roommates.
• The right to expect that one’s personal property will be respected and that reasonable security of one’s room will be maintained, and the responsibility to afford such respect and security to one’s roommates.
• The right to a reasonably clean environment and the responsibility to do one’s fair share in maintaining such an environment.
• The right to free access to one’s room and the responsibility to afford the same courtesy to one’s roommates.
• The right to a reasonable level of personal privacy and the responsibility to respect roommates’ privacy.
• The right to host guests in accordance with residence hall rules and regulations and the responsibility to ensure that one’s guests and oneself demonstrate respect and courtesy for roommates.
• The right to expect that residence hall rules and regulations will be followed in the room such that no person is put at risk of harm and the responsibilities to follow rules oneself and report violations appropriately.
• The right to be free from pressure, intimidation, physical or emotional harm, and behavior that demeans or disrespects one’s identity and the responsibility to not to engage in any such behavior toward others.
• The right to address grievances and needs constructively, privately or with the assistance of hall staff, and the responsibility to participate in norm-setting or conflict resolution measures whenever necessary.
• The right to expect compromise in the negotiation of standards and the settling of conflicts and the responsibility to demonstrate compromise.
• The right to timely, respectful communication of any concerns and the responsibility to respond in an open, approachable manner.
• The right to experience and to appropriately articulate one’s feelings when desired and the responsibility to respect others’ feelings.
• The right to make mistakes and the responsibilities to be honest about those mistakes and to work to learn from them.

Helpful Hints for Successful Roommate Relationships

• Have realistic expectations. It isn’t necessary to be best friends in order to have a comfortable roommate relationship.
• Approach sharing a room and building a roommate relationship with an open mind.
• When something bothers you, speak up to your roommate(s) about it calmly and privately. Don’t let annoyances accumulate.
• "Check in" occasionally to see how the relationship is going from your roommate’s perspective. Ask what you can to do be a better roommate.
• Don’t assume that you and your roommate were raised with similar expectations or habits. Be prepared for residence hall life to be a little different.
• Listen openly and carefully to your roommate.
• Be willing to compromise.
• Demonstrate courtesy toward your roommates (and their guests) consistently.
• If you need help or support in managing a disagreement, bring in your RA instead of other parties.
• Encourage neighbors, friends and family members to stay out of a conflict that does not involve them so that the situation doesn't escalate unnecessarily.
• Acknowledge that conflict management is an on-going process. Be patient. Like any other relationship, roommate relationships require continuing care, attention, and effort on everyone’s part.

About Room Changes

There is usually an “open room change” period each semester, generally beginning in the third or fourth week of the semester and lasting about four weeks, space permitting.  Open room change period will be publicized by signage in the halls and at each front desk.  Open room change period may be suspended for all students, students of one gender or the other, or for particular halls if there are not enough vacant spaces, if there are students still living in “overflow” temporary assignments, or for other special circumstances.  When open room change does occur, students request a room change to the residence manager of their current assignment.   Resident Managers (RMs) notify all applicants of the approval or denial of their request in writing.  Room change approval notices include detailed instructions for making the move to the new space.  Except in cases of "overflow" reassignments, students are responsible to move their own belongings.

Outside of open room change time, room changes are viewed as a last resort.  Managing conflict, compromising, and adapting to situations are important skills for students to develop.   RMs have the ability to make administrative changes for emergency circumstances or in circumstances where all parties have made a legitimate effort to build a successful relationship and no other reasonable resolution can be identified.  Room changes are only granted in response to behavioral situations, not on the basis of race, religion, sexual orientation, ability, or other dimensions of diversity.

Finally, if you have any roommate-related issues, the first person to discuss them with is your roommate.  Open, respectful communication goes a long way to resolving most problems.  After that, the first resource is the floor’s community advisor (CA), the peer leader.  He or she will assist by mediating the conflict and often by re-negotiating the roommate agreement.  If those measures prove unsuccessful, the next step is to meet with the RM of the hall for additional help.

For those students wishing to move to a single room, the Office of Residential Life maintains a singles waiting list.  Contact umkchousing@umkc.edu  for more information on the singles wait list process